Vered’s Blog

I took Thom today to school, finally the year has started. However, today was different. She was eager to run to school. When it happened yesterday I thought it was the first day of school and probably she is eager to see who else is in her new class.
But today it felt different. I asked her if she doesn’t want me to come in with her. Her respond was vague and funny. She said: “No, mom you have so much to do today; you need to go on with your day. It’s OK I can go in”. I felt that there was more to it than just “caring for mom’s heavy load of work…â€? So I asked her what it’s all about. What came out was something that I was dreading for a long time.

My daughter came to the age where she is ashamed of being seen together with her own mother. Her mother looks old! It’s not that other people would agree on it, but for my 9-year old kid I look old and that makes the difference.

It isn’t that I didn’t know that this day will come. I remember myself being ashamed seen with my mom. But that was from different reasons. My mom was loud and behaved “bad” in my opinion (in those days). On the other hand I was quite proud of her as she looked younger than all the other moms.

Younger or older it’s the same old issue. When did being young become so important? Obviously, this is an easy question. In a society that idolizes beauty and that a face without wrinkles is a “face that launches 1,000 ships” being young is considered beauty.

We live in a culture that 30 is old. Women that are 30 are already looking at their lives and thinking it’s over because the first signs of wrinkles are appearing on their face. Wrinkles became a sign of being redundant.

However, there were times that wrinkles were the sign of coming into the age of wisdom. It was a sign of coming into power and making a difference in society. In the old traditions women that have passed the age of giving birth were regarded as the wise ones. They were the ones that ran and managed the social structure of the tribe and of society. They were the social leaders. Men were still the leaders of the group, but women were the ones to turn to in issues of conflict and trouble. They were the medicine women and the healers. They were the midwives and the educators. And it was the older women and not the younger ones. Power was evaluated by your ability to contribute to society and not by your good looks.

Once the world has changed and values have changed, women have lost their own power. Beauty became source of power instead of wisdom. Once beauty replaces wisdom it’s only a matter of time that as women we will lose our power. Beauty is one of the most temporary elements there are in this universe. Beauty not only depends on “the eye of the beholderâ€?, which means that it is subject to fashions and trends, which will always be temporary, but also it is connected to age which means that it will pass away very quickly. Even if Mother Nature was kind enough to you and have given you the perfect figure and the perfect face (for your time and space) that will pass away as autumn follows summer and your good looks and good figure will change with time. Therefore we see this impossible search for the “Youth fountainâ€? and endless developments in “face-liftsâ€? and Botox. Once we put our power in the hands of beauty – we actually lose it.

Maybe it’s time to come back to our own power which is – wisdom. Wisdom develops with time. Wisdom comes with the years. It’s time to honor those wrinkles and gray hair and realize that they are our own source of power.