Vered’s Blog

Yesterday the whole world celebrated Women’s Day. Without taking away the importance of this day, it made me think how come we need to celebrate a day for us for just being a woman. How come we are so focused on trying to prove that we are worth something and we need special days of the year to remind us that we are important and that we do make a difference in this world?

When I was 21, I had my first real experience, of what it means to be totally ME. I felt whole.
At that time, I was living in the Sinai desert, in charge of the logistics of different archaeological excavations. For weeks I was alone - only the vast desert and me. I had time and space to see myself, as I am, and I loved myself.

Unfortunately, I forgot that experience and incorporated the more popular viewpoint, that no one is perfect, and that I need to do something with myself (or my life) in order to feel that wholeness again.

For years I was afraid of looking in the mirror and seeing the woman that I was. I was scared of ‘being me’ and as a result I did my best to be ’someone else’ or ‘like the others’. It didn’t work out too well.
‘The others’ were always better than me in being them…

Do you recognize this pattern? How did it all start? When did we start giving up on who we are?

What happens is that early on we receive the message that what we do is not OK, or what we think is wrong. As children, we normally interpret this feedback as who we are is not OK and thus we develop negative beliefs about ourselves. From this point, the road is very short to the creation of our ‘act’ and thus giving up on who we are.

We are all afraid of showing who we are, as we believe there is a ‘right’ way to be.
We are afraid that if we will show how we really feel, or what we really think, ‘they’ would not like us, or criticize or judge us.

Once we let that fear rule our life, we give up our authenticity and begin to live within an elaborate lie.

We can, however, choose to live differently.
When we allow ourselves to experience and express who we are in the moment, we usually discover that ‘they’ like us as we are and prefer us real and authentic.
We realize that we are our own judges, criticizers and worst enemies.

Look at nature. Everything in nature is unique and different and perfect as it is.
The willow tree does not compare itself to the oak tree thus allowing us to enjoy the beauty of both.
The ocean is always different, yet it is always perfect.

It’s only us who need to compare ourselves to somebody else…

So how do we break through this pattern of behavior?

The way out is to realize that there is NOTHING wrong with who you are.
You are the best person to be you and you do that perfectly.

Look at all you have accomplished in your life, see how much energy, creativity and wisdom you have put in it, and then acknowledge yourself for it.

Look at all your qualities and abilities, without comparing them to those of anyone else, and without judging them as low or high, enough or not enough.

Just list them and see how much you have given to yourself and the world and how much you can still give.

Would you like to know the person with those qualities?

Relax and enjoy who you are. It costs less energy and is so much more easy and fun.

Remember, you don’t have to rehearse to be yourself…