Start with Acknowledgement!
One the most amazing things that I’ve noticed when I was in Uganda, was that those girls, students and teachers, although that they were doing an amazing job and creating unbelievable transformation, were not willing to acknowledge themselves for this work. They took it for granted. Even more, they were focusing more on what still is not yet as good as they want it to be.
This reminded me a bit of the important lesson I got when I was raising my daughter.
When I was a new mother and my daughter was going through the “terrible twos”, I can remember feeling frustrated—often—that she didn’t get the message I gave her several (hundred) times a day: “No, don’t … (touch that, eat that, break that, hit, yell, throw toys…).” No matter how much I told her “No”, she continued with every behavior toddlers engage in that I wanted to correct.
Finally the light bulb went on: rather than giving her negative feedback all the time, I decided to try the opposite. So, instead of “Don’t pull the dog’s tail”, I said, “Pat the dog gently, like this. Good–that’s it.” Instead of “Your making a mess with your food”, I said, “You ate all of your peaches! Hurray!”
Like magic, her behavior transformed almost overnight! No longer was there any struggle. I responded to the positive things and she felt happy and eager to learn. Such is the tremendous power of acknowledgement.
Bravo!
“You did an excellent job on that-way to go.”
Doesn’t it feel great when you hear that? To be acknowledged by others for our efforts—large and small—is affirming: we know that others value what we do and that knowledge propels us to continue to do our best.
We all need feedback, including the negative kind—getting clear signals that we are on the wrong track helps us make good decisions. If you turn the wrong way onto a one-way street, you may not notice until someone honks their horn at you.
But too much negative feedback is not helpful unless it is constructive. To be told “You’re wrong” over and over, without understanding why or without knowing how to improve, eventually erodes our self-esteem. We feel inept and unworthy and reluctant to try anything new because we assume we will fail. We sit idle, going nowhere.
Just like a car cannot drive without fuel, a person’s “drive” requires acknowledgment. We all need to hear, “Bravo!” once in awhile to keep the motor running.
Tip : If you start to acknowledge other people—genuinely showing appreciation for their efforts—they will start to notice and appreciate yours. Give someone a “Bravo!” in the next few minutes and watch what happens.
