Vered’s Blog

The following might read like a love story, however for me its a wonderful fable about the power of honesty and how much when we are in our power we can allow ourself to be honest.

In ancient China, around the year 250BCE, a certain prince of the region of Thing-Zda was about to be crowned emperor; however, according to the law, he first had to get married.

Since this meant choosing the future empress, the prince needed to find a young woman whom he could trust absolutely. On the advice of a wise man, he decided to summon all the young women of the region in order to find the most worthy candidate.

An old lady, who had served in the palace for many years, heard about the preparations for this gathering and felt sad, because her daughter nurtured a secret love for the prince.

When the old lady got home, she told her daughter and was horrified to learn that her daughter intended going to the meeting. The old lady was desperate.

‘But daughter, what on earth will you do there? All the richest and most beautiful girls from the court will be present. It’s a ridiculous idea. I know you must be suffering, but don’t turn that suffering into madness.’

And the daughter replied: ‘My dear mother, I am not suffering and I certainly haven’t gone mad. I know that I won’t be chosen, but it’s my one chance to spend at least a few moments close to the prince, and that makes me happy, even though I know that a quite different fate awaits me.’

That night, when the young women reached the palace, all the most beautiful girls were indeed there, wearing the most beautiful clothes and the most beautiful jewelery, and prepared to do anything to seize the opportunity on offer.

Surrounded by the members of his court, the prince announced a challenge.

‘I will give each of you a seed. In six month’s time, the young woman who brings me the loveliest flower will be the future empress of China.’

The girl took her seed and planted it in a pot, and since she was not very skilled in the art of gardening, she prepared the soil with great patience and tenderness, for she believed that if the flowers grew as large as her love, then she need not worry about the results.

Three months passed and no shoots had appeared. The young woman tried everything; she consulted farm laborers and peasants, who showed her the most varied methods of cultivation, but all to no avail. Each day she felt that her dream was farther away, although her love was as alive as ever.

At last, the six months passed and still nothing had grown in her pot. Even though she had nothing to show, she knew how much effort and dedication she put in during that time, so she told her mother that she would go back to the palace on the agreed date and at the agreed time. Inside she knew this would be her last meeting with her true love, and she would not have missed it for the world.

The day of the audience arrived. The girl appeared with her plantless pot, and saw that all the other candidates had achieved wonderful results: each girl bore a flower lovelier than the last, in the most varied forms and colours.

Finally, the longed-for moment came. The prince entered and he studied each of the candidates with great care and attention. Having inspected them all, he announced that he has chosen the servant’s daughter to become his new wife.

All the other girls began to protest, saying that he had chosen the only one of them who had not managed to grow any plant at all.

Then the prince calmly explained the reasoning behind the challenge: ‘This young woman was the only one who cultivated the flower that made her worthy of becoming the empress: the flower of honesty. You see, all the seeds I handed out were sterile, and nothing could ever have grown from them.’

Something to think about…

Have a great day! Vered

As 2008 starts have a brief moment and reflect on the conversations you’ve had over the week, the last week or the past month with any person.

Have they been general chit chat? or discussions that have made you think, grow and feel inspired.

We all are now in this mood of going for our goals and focusing on how to make 2008 the BEST year of our life, but think for a minute who would be the people that could support you in achieving those goals? Who would be the people that could inspire you and encourage you when the road gets tougher?

In order to find them you’ll have to get to know them on a deeper level. The problem is that it’s rare to encounter people who ask meaningful questions beyond ‘how are you?’ before launching into endless chatter. Questions are often the key to unlock incredible amounts of joy within any conversation for you and the person you’re talking to.

Today I challenge you to select either one or a series of questions from the following list and engage somebody you know or have just met in a meaningful conversation - could be over lunch, via skype (instant messenger), during a meeting, over dinner….any place and then share with us if you noticed anything different about your conversation - how you felt, how the other person responded and whether it’s a valuable skill to develop.

And feel free to add any of your favorite questions to the list.

What have you been thinking about lately?
What’s been on your mind?
What are you excited about at the moment?
When was the last time you made a difference to somebody?
Who are you really happy for at the moment?
When was the last time you felt inspired?
If you could be in your dream place at the moment what would you be doing?
If somebody was describing your personality what would they say?
What are you most proud of?
What’s been tempting you lately?
What’s been the one most consistent thing in your life?
What are you sure of?
Who have you inspired lately?
What do you love about people? or What do you love about (person’s name)?
What gives you butterflies in your tummy?
When do you find time to reflect? What do you usually reflect about?

I’ve compiled this list of questions on one of the last sunny morning in September while sitting in a garden in Oslo and wrote them into my journal that I have found while de-cluttering for the coming year…

Would love to add your questions to the list.

Love and light, Vered

Here it is again, this time of the year where our hopes are up again and we decide this year is going to be the year that I keep my promises to myself. It’s the time of year where we set our goals and make all the promises that this time it will work.

The truth is that those resolutions that we take on the 31^st of December most of them we forget around the 1^st of February. However, I’ve found my way how to make it stick much longer. You need to work on it on a daily basis. It’s not about setting your goals once a year. It’s about making them into a habit.

So this year not only I have set my goals, I’ve also set for myself a few habits that I am committed to doing that will help me and support me on my way to achieve my goals.

So first here are my goals for 2008:

1. I create a network of 3,000 professional women that I’m in contact with
2. I write the Feminine Leadership book
3. We’re invested in vacation real-estates in the most beautiful locations in the world.
4. I am healthy and fit. My weight is 73 kilo
5. We have 3 family vacations of 7-10 days a year.
6. I take singing lessons and dancing lessons once a week
7. I interview 45 famous women for my book.

And here are my new habits that will support me in achieving those goals:

1. I write my daily 3 morning pages
2. I meditate every day for an hour
3. I eat healthy food and I drink 3-4 liters of water a day
4. I read 60 non-fiction books a year (personal growth, motivation, autobiography and biography, business books etc.) and I write a synopsis and main points of ideas from that book to be shared with others. They say the best way to learn something is to… teach it
5. I have once a month a day of relaxation with Nisandeh
6. We have once a month a weekend for just the family doing special stuff
7. I keep track of our money management system on a monthly basis.

I know that if I keep to this schedule I’ll be way ahead of myself in reaching my goals. It’s all about persistence. They say that genious is 2% intelligent and 98% persistence. So I’ll go for persistence.

What are you going for?

Have a great 2008! Make sure to make it the BEST year of your life.

It’s Christmas time and the New-Year is just around the corner, which is a good time to have a look at what we have done this year. Where have we grown, what has changed in what we do? What new ideas did we have and what concepts have we let go of?

It is said that before the discovery of Australia, people in the Old World were convinced that all swans were white, a certain belief confirmed by all evidence at the time. The sighting of the first black swan in 1697 might have been an interesting surprise for the few bird enthusiasts but that is not where the significance of the story lies.

It illustrates a severe limitation to our learning from observations or experience and the fragility of our knowledge. One single observation can invalidate a general statement derived from millions of sightings of white swans. All you need is one single black bird.

Why am I sharing this extract from Nassim Taleb’s “The Black Swan” book with you?

Because the chances are you’ve experienced a few ‘black swans’ in your life. Think about the significant events which have taken place since you were born, your choice of profession, meeting your mate, your exile from your country of origin, the challenges you faced your sudden enrichment or impoverishment.

How often did these things occur according to plan?
And what was the effect of the unexpected event in your life?

Remember all those occurrences were what brought you to where you are today. It was the path that you were meant to walk on. The more you get clearer on what path it is the easier and happier that journey will be.

That’s why I enjoy end of the year. It allows me to reflect and look and check my path and learn a bit more about it. It gives me, for just a while, an opportunity to look at it from a higher perspective, that most days of the year I don’t have as I’m too much engaged in the daily routine and the daily challenges.

Take this time and check your path and check for those “Black Swan” in your life.

Have a great New Year! Love, Vered

It’s amazing to find how much the qualities of the Feminine Leadership have now become part of the new management education, without calling it feminine or male. It just makes common sense in today’s world to focus on those qualities that in the past were defined as feminine. Even values such as… Love.

“The loveless way won’t get you anywhere in today’s economy. As the world becomes more competitive, we also compete for people’s emotions. ”

I’m reading “Love is the killer App” by Tim Sanders and I’ve summarized the most interesting part of the book for you. He writes…

Knowledge, network, compassion. These are the values that can drive your career to the top or over the top - they will take you wherever you want to go.

Have you noticed how people in the business world who are most successful, and happiest, are the Lovecats? These are the people whom you always like the most, the ones who are most passionate from 9 to 5, or 8 to 10, or whatever their hours. They are the ones who are most generous with their knowledge, their address book, and their compassion.

Take a second and close your eyes. Visualize the “happiest” and the most successful people in your workplace you’ve ever met. Are they smart? Generous? Kind?

It pays to be a Lovecat. Why? Here’s the six benefits Lovecats enjoy:

BENEFIT 1: You build an outstanding brand as a person
In the new economy, you are valued and rewarded for your knowledge and your network. Build a brand so that people will trust you, like you, pursue you. How do you do this? Refer to the D-R-E-A-M acronym.

D stands for Differentiation - meaning you are different in a positive, productive manner that can sustain itself over time offering intangibles that last.

R stands for Relevance - Everybody always needs to know something new, be connected to a new person or needs affirmation that s/he is a good person.

E is for Esteem - expect nothing in return for what you are willing to give.

A is for Awareness - Spend time with everybody up and down the food chain in your workplace.

M is for the Mind’s Eye - Be sincere about your promises and prove your value time and again - you’ll always be top of mind.

BENEFIT 2: You create an experience
The more you read, the more you know, and the more knowledge you have to pass along. You are fun, interesting, valuable and you take people places they have never been before, you show them books they have never head of, you introduce them to people they never dreamed of meeting. Become a human theme park.

BENEFIT 3: You have access to people’s attention
Attention is one of the world’s scarcest resources. When Lovecats deal with people, they can stop multitasking and get undivided attention because their value proposition is high.

BENEFIT 4: You harness the power of positive presumption
Because Lovecats build relationships with a deep level of trust, people will presume our arguments are correct, our recommendations are solid, our referrals are valuable.

BENEFIT 5: You receive exceptional feedback
The normal transaction works like this “I do my work. You pay me money”. Lovecats don’t always do things for money and hence people are more inclined to tell them which of their ideas worked and which didn’t. Which contacts where helpful and which weren’t. The relationships goes beyond a business transaction.

BENEFIT 6: You gain personal satisfaction
People once judged their careers in terms of rank, status, and money. Times have changed. It’s the giving that matters which adds to how good you feel about yourself. Changing people’s lives. Seeing people transform.

Take the qualities you already have and start honing them to become a great Lovecat!

Have a great day!

It’s been nearly three months I did not write. Three busy months were my whole energy was driven outside and I did not have the energy and patience to look inside and write.

I can can always say that I didn’t have the time to do it, but that would not be true. The truth was that it took all my energy to do all the things and programs and trips and travels and speaches I had to do that when it came time to go inside and listen inward there was too much noise and thoughts that disturbed me.

This is how life is actually. There are times when we need to focus our energy outward and be out there in the world - doing and creating and moving things. This is the Male energy in us. And there are times when it’s time to go inside and listen and dream and imagije how we want things to be - This is the Feminine energy.

I also see it as without coincidence that the time to go in and contemplate and dream and imagine is winter time. Somehow Nature is so wise. Winter is the time that most creatures go inside (physically) and dream. It’s called hybernate. Us poeple should do it also. Winter is the time that we can come closer to ourselves and dream what it is that we want, what is it that we truly want in our life and what is truly important for us.

Then comes spring and summer that we can go out i9nto teh world and manifest it.

So as winter is here - I’m back online - writing, sharing, and listening to myself and you.

Would love to get your thoughts about it.

have a magical day! Vered

Freedom is our ability to choose what we wish for. How can we be free if we have limited information? This is the power of education. It gives us the knowledge that allows us freedom to choose our ways. When we are ignorant we are limited and do not have the choice. WE are not free.

Thanks to Margaret Sanger, many of the world’s women live with a freedom they take for granted: to decide when and if to become mothers, without sacrificing sexual expression.

In the words of the futurist and historian H.G. Wells “The movement Margaret Sanger started will grow to be, a hundred years from now, the most influential of all time. When the history of our civilization is written, it will be a biological history, and Margaret Sanger will be its heroine.”

Margaret Sanger taught us, first, to look at the world as if women mattered.

Born on Sept. 14, 1879, Margaret’s quest began long before she was known by the public. It started when she was just a young girl. As with most children, her parents were a large influence on her life, but in a way different than perhaps many others.

Margaret’s father provided her with all the mental tools she would need to succeed. A free thinker and outspoken radical, her father, Michael Higgins, influenced his young daughter to act the same way; to question everything and to stand up for what she believed in.
Though Margaret loved her mother, she conceded that definitely her father was the major influence in her early life.

Her mother however also had a large influence, yet not in quite the same way. Anna Sanger bore ten children other than Margaret, causing her to be both constantly pregnant and constantly sick, leaving little time for her children. Thus Margaret and her siblings were constantly forced to care for themselves.

Anna died at an early age to TB which Margaret attributed to her multiple pregnancies. It was then that she decided to become a nurse and start helping pregnant women.

While working as a practical nurse and midwife in the poorest neighborhoods of New York City in the years before World War I, she saw women deprived of their health, sexuality and ability to care for children already born. Contraceptive information was so suppressed by clergy-influenced, physician-accepted laws that it was a criminal offense to send it through the mail.

Yet the educated had access to such information and could purchase contraceptive in manipulating ways. It was this injustice that inspired Sanger to defy church and state.

In a series of articles called “What Every Girl Should Know,” then in her own newspaper The Woman Rebel and finally through neighborhood clinics that dispensed woman-controlled forms of birth control (a phrase she coined), Sanger put information and power into the hands of women.

In 1921 Sanger founded the American Birth Control League and served as its president until 1928. That and later organizations became in 1942 the Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Continued government harassment brought public opinion to her side, and in 1936 the 1873 law was modified.

Sanger organized the first World Population Conference in Geneva, Switzerland in 1927 and was also the first president of the International Planned Parenthood Federation, organized in 1953. She helped promote family planning in India and Japan.

Margaret Sanger envisioned a united front of women who would claim the legalization of contraception, along with greater public openness about sexuality, as a fundamental right. Birth control, Sanger argued, would enhance the opportunities of women beyond the promises of economic reformers, on the one hand, and of feminist movement on the other.

Margaret Sanger believed it would be a tool for redistributing power fundamentally, in the bedroom, the home, and the larger community. Women would achieve personal freedom by experiencing their sexuality free of consequence, just as men have always done, but in taking control of the forces of reproduction they would also lower birth rates, alter the balance of supply and demand for labor, and therein accomplish the revolutionary goals of workers without the social upheaval of class warfare.

Margaret Sanger is a great role model of leading by example. Her brave and joyous life included fulfilling work, three children, two husbands, many lovers and an international network of friends and colleagues. She was charismatic and sometimes idealistic, but she never abandoned her focus on women’s freedom and its larger implications for social justice.

Let’s honor her memory today and cherish our body and remember we always have a right to chose and control our life!

Have a great day! Vered Neta

I was sitting for my morning meditation today and somehow just couldn’t fall into the space of detachment and peace that normally fall on me when meditating. My mind was running like a herd of wild horses.

Summer is over, which means that our working season is starting. That means hundred and one projects to be done in a very short time. That means that in order to keep myself sane I’ll need all the support I could get and mostly I’ll need to learn (again) how to set boarders and how to maintain awareness in each step I take.

I realized that in order to truly lead my organization, family and life I’ll need to create some clarity and set boarders.

No wonder I got as my Goddess to this week the Goddess Durga. I was grateful of her showing up for me for this week. She is Goddess for this week.

Goddess Durga represents the power of the Supreme Being that preserves moral order and decency in creation. The name “Durga” in Sanskrit means “invincible”. Durga protects mankind from evil and misery by destroying evil forces such as selfishness, jealousy, prejudice, hatred, anger, and ego; which are all products of our mind.

The Hindu Goddess Durga manifested when evil forces threatened the very existence of the Gods. To destroy these demons, all gods offered their radiance to her creation and each formed part of Durga’s body.

Different weapons must be used to fight enemies depending upon the circumstances. The gods have given Durga different weapons to fight those evils. For example, selfishness must be destroyed by detachment, jealousy by giving space, prejudice by self-knowledge, and ego by humility.

In order to know what to use you’ll need to create clear boarders that would allow you to move forward in life without letting yourself run out of energy and out of your mind.

Durga teaches us that leadership in life is by creating clarity and seting boarders. Are you protecting yourself, your life, your time? Is the statement “No, I can’t do this right now, I need to care for myself” part of your vocabulary? Perhaps you feel dumped on by others. Are you feeling pulled off center by demands to give and give and give till there is nothing left for yourself? Durga is here to assist you in nurturing wholeness by creating and fixing the limits of your personal space.

Establishing clear boundaries is an act of self-love. Having no boundaries gives others the message that you can be used and you lose the respect of others. Don’t let people disrespect your time and space. We are all human; there are places where we get hurt, places where we are vulnerable, places that need to be treated with care. Durga says that boundaries are vital because they let others know who you are and where you stand.

Durga teaches us and others to respect our time and space and to be powerful enough to set the boundaries for it to happen.

Have a great day! Vere Neta.

One of the strongest skills in women’s leadership is the ability to listen.
Women are normally used to listen more than speak. Actually we have to re-learn the art of expressing ourselves by speaking out what we have to say.

However, we still need to remember that women leadership is at its strongest when we listen to the people that are around us this is what makes us a great leader.

Listening is a topic I hold dear to my heart.
To be listened to is the greatest gift that one can give another and to listen is indeed a discipline worth practicing.

To spark a discussion on listening I found some inspiring quotes and ask the following questions:

Which of these quotes resonates with you? And why?
What does one have to do to be a great listener?

Listening Quotes and Proverbs

Sara Paddison, Hidden Power of the Heart
Deep heart listening and speaking your truth generates an exhilarating “heart talk” frequency. “Heart talk” is care in action and builds friendship. As you learn to see everyone as your friend, and not as an enemy, you release judgments. Just keep your heart open to them as you speak your truth.

African proverb
Much silence makes a powerful noise.

Unknown
Man who know little say much.
Man who know much say little.

Robert Greenleaf
Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much.

J. Isham
Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.

Native American
Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf.

James Nathan Miller
There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation.

Brenda Ueland
Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force…When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life…When we listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other…and it is this little creative fountain inside us that begins to spring and cast up new thoughts and unexpected laughter and wisdom. …Well, it is when people really listen to us, with quiet fascinated attention, that the little fountain begins to work again, to accelerate in the most surprising way.

Oliver Wendell Holmes
It is the province of knowledge to speak And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.

Paul Tillich
The first duty of love is to listen.

Henry David Thoreau
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.

M. Scott Peck
You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.

Wilson Mizner
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.

D.J. Kaufman
Wisdom is the reward for a lifetime of listening

Thoreau
It takes two to speak the truth — one to speak and another to hear.

Listening is an art that we as women can use to become better leaders in our life. You can read more quotes on listening in this link.

Have a great Day!
Vered.

A few days ago Nisandeh, my partner, who normally do not interfere in what I am writing, remarked that he found it quite astonishing that I did not write anything on the 31st of August about Princess Diana due to the fact that it has been 10 years since her untimely death.

Even though I’ve answered him automatically, I had to rethink about this fact. There is no arguing that Princess Diana has captured the hearts of millions. Her life and tragic death are a modern day Greek (British) tragedy. But with all the respect that I have for her, I can’t see Princess Diana as a positive role model for women.

Diana Frances Spencer was born into the British aristocracy, the youngest daughter of Edward John Spencer now the late (8th) Earl Spencer and the late Hon. Mrs Shand-Kydd, daughter of the 4th Baron Fermoy. Her love story with Prince Charles was covered by all the media (as the rest of their lives) and their engagement became official on February 24, 1981 and they married at St Paul’s Cathedral on 29 July 1981, watched by a global audience of almost one billion.

Starting in the mid-to-late 1980s, the Princess of Wales became well known for her support of charity projects. This stemmed naturally from her role as Princess of Wales and also as an interested supporter of various health causes newly arisen in the UK.

Diana is credited with some influence in campaigns against the use of landmines and helping the victims of AIDS. In April 1987, the Princess of Wales was the first high-profile celebrity to be photographed knowingly touching a person infected with HIV. Diana also supposedly made secret visits to show kindness to terminally- ill AIDS patients.
According to nurses, she would turn up unannounced, for example, at the Mildmay Hospice in London, with specific instructions that these visits were to be concealed from the media.

In the year before her death, the Princess was an active campaigner for a ban on the manufacture and use of land mines. In January 1997, she visited Angola as part of her campaign.
in June, the Princess spoke at the landmines conference at the Royal Geographical Society in London, and this was followed by a visit to Washington DC in the United States to promote the American Red Cross landmines campaign. The Princess’s last public engagements were during her visit to Bosnia when she visited landmine projects in Travnic, Sarajevo and Zenezica.

With all this wonderful work one might ask why am I still not seeing her as a great role model of compassion and care?

The reason is very simple. With all her good work, what people identify most in her is her victim role in the royal family.

In a way, Diana was a sacrificial symbol in several ways. First she became the patron saint of victims, the sick, and the discriminated against, the homeless.

Then, partly through her real suffering at the hands of a rigidly formal family trained to play rigidly formal public roles, and partly through her shrewd manipulation of the press, Diana herself projected a compelling image of victimhood.
Women in unhappy marriages identified with her; so did outsiders of one kind or another, ethnic, sexual or social. Like many religious idols, she was openly abused and ridiculed, in her case by the same press that stoked the public worship of her.

This is not a role model I would like to follow.

As always there is another side to the story.

Diana was a tireless charity worker using her celebrity status to campaign for the causes she believed in. She once said she wanted to be a sort of ambassador, “a queen of people’s hearts,” and Prime Minister Tony Blair in his speech, after her death, has names her as: “The People’s Princess”.

This is maybe her greatest contribution. Princes Diana has managed to modernize the stuffy, rigid royal family and bring it into the 21st Century. The People’s Princess had unlocked hearts, reordered values, presided at the triumph of emotional intelligence over cold intellect, of compassion over tradition.

So, maybe after all she is a role model. What are your thoughts?

Have a great day!, Vered