Vered’s Blog

One of the things that would allow us women to perform better is when we connect with our natural flow.

It is obviously easier to be in the flow when you are relaxed, without worries, responsibilities and commitments. A month-long retreat would probably do it. Wouldn’t it?

Cannot spare that period of time right now?

Here are five ways to indulge yourself in self-care that you can begin today.

TAKE A MINI RETREAT - Everyday take a short spiritual break. Sit outside and listen to the birds singing; or sit inside and listen to a piece of inspirational music; or close your eyes for a few minutes, focusing on your breathing. Inhaling and exhaling.

ENJOY YOUR PHYSICAL SENSES - You don’t need a membership in the local gym to do this. What did you like to do when you were a kid? I love to dance. It makes my heart soar. I also love to go for long walks in the woods. These are my spirit-filled times. What’s fun for you?

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR ENERGY - Begin to focus on the things that you enjoy and bring you energy. That’s one way that your intuition speaks to you. If a situation consistently drains you, find a way to shift your focus or take steps to move in a new direction.

KEEP A LONG TERM PERSPECTIVE - My grandmother used to say, ‘every delay is for the best’. Do you want everything to happen immediately? Learn to enjoy and have fun in the process of achieving your goals. It will all happen when the time is right.

MAINTAIN A SENSE OF HUMOR - Life can get all too serious at times. Do you get discouraged easily? Learn to lighten up. There’s something positively uplifting and downright spiritual about seeing a funny movie, reading an entertaining book or sharing a fun evening with friends. It can recharge your batteries and open you to a renewed life force. All things are possible with a newly fresh perspective!

And above all… celebrate!

How many times did it happen to you that you promised something to yourself and did not stand up for that promise?

For many of us this has happened more than a few times. We tend to keep promises that were given to others much more than we keep the promises we give ourselves.

The reason is very simple - when you give a promise to someone else; there will always be someone who will keep you accountant to that promise.

But who is keeping you accountant to the promise you made yourself?

The problem is that when we don’t keep our promises to ourselves we start doubting our ability to keep those promises and we start doubting ourselves. How many of us have said – “tomorrow I’ll start a diet” or “tomorrow I’ll stop smoking” or “today I’m going to do….”  and then give a whole list of projects that you want to accomplish in one day?.

How many of us have actually started doing those things but somehow did not manage to keep that promise? Many of us, and the problem is that the next time we say those words we stop believing that we will do it, so we compromise and lower our standards and find excuses and rationalizations to make it right.

Here is the flash news – each time you do this you lower your self-esteem, you lower your self- confidence and you lower your trust in yourself.

So what I have learned to do is to keep a Promise Diet. This means either I don’t promise, or I make maximum three promises per day. And when I make those promises I will not go to bed at night without completing them.

Three is not such a big number so there are no excuses for not making three promises a day.
The nice thing about it is that each day that you see that you are able to keep your promise it builds the trust in yourself, it strengthen your self-esteem and makes you feel GREAT about yourself.

So I highly recommend you – start a promise Diet.

I just finished one of my promises for today – writing this blog! I feel GREAT!!

If time is money than what would you rather do? Spend or invest time?

Most of us spend time much more than invest time. We spend time with our friends rather than invest time in our friends. We spend time with our kids rather than invest time in them. We spend time reading the newspaper rather than invest time reading a fiction book or a non-fiction book that helps us to develop and grow.

When it comes to money we all know that we can spend, save or invest money. It is accepted that the wisest thing to do is investing our money, even in these difficult financial times. Saving is just accumulating and going to sleep on top of it. The money does not grow on its own and does not work for you. You work (hard) in order to hoard it. Spending of course is the least desirable thing to do with your money.

However, most of us spend much more than we save and certainly much more than invest it. In a consuming culture like ours where all media promote consumption and spending, there is no escape from spending money. We became a culture that is addicted to spending money.

The problem is that this habit of spending money has reached other areas of our life where we tend much more to spend than to save or even invest.

When it comes to time we are willing to save time on those things that we dislike and we want to get rid. We will find ways to become more efficient and effective with our time, especially when it comes to work issues that we want to accomplish  in order to move on and get with the things that we like. We are willing to go to length in order to become masters of time management only to save 5 more minutes in a day. We became excellent in being multi tasking to save time.

Spending time is what we truly want to do. But that is still spending time. How about changing it to investing time?

When was the last time you invested time in your child? Not spend time, just being with them half listening to them or half playing with them while all the time your mind is still occupied with work issues? But truly investing in them. Reading to them, teaching them a new skill, listening to them with your whole heart and mind to what they say, and even more importantly, to what they don’t say.

When was the last time you invested in your relationship?  Not just spending time – going out for a movie and a restaurant where most of the time you are just two bodies occupying the same space? But really investing time in your partner – talking about your dreams, sharing your values, fears and hopes. Making plans how to achieve your dreams and wishes, helping each other achieving those dreams.

When was the last time you invested in yourself? I don’t mean just giving time for yourself by reading a fiction book or a magazine. But investing in your growth by reading a non-fiction book that would allow you to grow and develop and teach you something new. When the last time you took a course that could develop your skills or your talents just for the fun of it not for work?

That’s the difference between spending time and investing time.

Think about it – when it comes to money – money that was spent could come back. Money comes and goes.

Time on the other hand is the most valuable resource you would ever have. Every minute that you spend is a minute that would never come back.

Choose wisely – whether to spend or invest your time!

It’s amazing how synchronicity works. Just a few days ago I wrote about how each of us can make a difference in the world. How as individuals if we set our mind to it and take the actions we can quickly change our world. I even gave the example about social entrepreneurs that are doing it.

Today for some reason I was looking at the Time magazine (European version) and found out that it is totally dedicated to the issue of people that are taking action in different parts of the world to save the environment and to make sure that the planet that we leave to our kids will be one that is fit for human habitation.

It is amazing to read their stories; no wonder the title for them is heroes. If before in one of the entries I said that we don’t need another hero – here we see what a true hero is. It is a person that takes a stand and takes actions to make his point across. It is someone that is willing to do the hard work, not just talk.

The whole edition is a light in this bleak sea of articles that are all over telling us how the environment is being destroyed. Finally we get a dose of positive news about people that are doing and succeeding and changing the awareness to what is taking place.

It starts with why not despair – and shows that there are solutions to the problems. It shows that there are politicians that are taking action to protect the environment and eliminate destruction. It shows scientists that have found the solutions and activists that are taking actions in making a difference. A list of 30 unique individuals that were willing to stop complaining and accusing others and take actions and are making a difference in our world.

I find this inspiring. Not only they are doing things they are also inspiring others to join and take actions in making this world a better place to live.

If you want to have your dose of positive news about the environment and get inspired – get your copy of the Time edition of Green heroes 2008.

It all begins one day, with your birth into the world. Showered with love and affection, you are adored, appreciated and enjoyed…

A low self-esteem simply does not exist. Everything around you, indeed the whole universe, is simply an extension of yourself. Although you were cranky when you were hungry, tired or wet, you made no negative judgments about yourself the way adolescents and adults do. You never cried about self-doubt, self-hate, or wanting to be popular.

As an infant, you still hold the idea that you’re the center of the universe. When you enter the shopping mall - you don’t just want a toy - you want the toy store.

And then… 20-30-40 years later (after a few ‘failures’ and many statements such as “You can’t always get what you want…” or “You’ve been bad this morning, so you can’t have it now…” or “If you’ll behave yourself, tomorrow you can have one…”) … you visit someone for the first time.
They ask you a simple question: “would you like tea or coffee?”
And you answer: “oh, it doesn’t matter” or “what’s easier for you” or “no thanks, I’ve had coffee in the morning…”

What a long way down the hill, from the once high-point of a healthy self-esteem…

As adults, we can choose the messages we accept or reject. No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

The building of a high self-esteem is a continuing process, not something that can be developed overnight.
From my experience of working with thousands of people, every person has the capacity for a high self-esteem.

The only question is, are you ready to make the commitment necessary to increase your self-esteem?

If your answer is yes, here are some steps you can take:

STEP 1
——
Stop comparing yourself with others.
There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less.
You are unique and your purpose is to express your uniqueness. Who can do that better than you?

STEP 2
——
Stop diminishing yourself with negative judgments.
You can’t develop high self-esteem if you repeat negative phrases about yourself and your abilities.

STEP 3
——
Avoid perfectionism. Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals.

STEP 4
——
Surround yourself with positive, supportive people.
When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you down, your self-esteem is diminished.

STEP 5
——
Acknowledge yourself.
Get yourself a beautiful booklet, and write in it every night, before going to sleep, 20 things you did well during the day. Big or small, doesn’t matter, as long as you allow yourself to feel acknowledged.

STEP 6
——
Give more of yourself to those around you.
When you do things for others, you are making a positive contribution and subsequently begin to feel more valuable, which, in turn, lifts your spirits and raises your own self-esteem.

Sixteen years ago a 12 year old girl stopped the world to think about what we adults are doing to our planet. She was fearless and honest, direct and without any political correct language managed to call things as they are and bring awareness to what we know today as the Global Heating effect.

Not a lot has changed since then, actually, it just became worse and the clock of history is ticking. Severen Suzuki demonstrated that no matter how old you are you can make a difference. She showed that Feminine Leadership has no limitation on age and it can be demonstrated and expressed in any age.

Severen Suzuki didn’t just speak about the issues that she cared about – the environment, she made sure to take action to change things. She created a whole organization that focused in taking care of the environment, but even more important – she raised awareness to those issues so more kids and adults will take care. She took actions that demonstrated her care.

At the end of the day care for someone or something translates into actions. One of my favorite saying is that care is love in action. If you care about this planet you will take actions that would show your care, just as you would to a person that you love.

The issues that she is raising are legitimate today as they were sixteen years ago, if not even more.
Yesterday I’ve asked you – what can you do to make a difference. If a 12 year old could do it – so can you.

Just stop what you are doing and think of ways that you can support the environment, think of ways where you can support the education system, no matter how old you are, think of ways where you can empower other people.

Then act upon it!

To be inspired by this courageous girl have a look at her speech in the UN Earth Summit 1992

Consider for a moment how what you are doing is in some way, shape or form impacting the world.

You may be dedicating your time to raising your children, writing for a newspaper informing people of the events in your community or the world, preparing financial statements for your key stakeholders, rehabilitating people from a serious accident or finalizing your studies pondering what’s next.

Regardless of what your vocation is it’s a fact that as human beings we derive the greatest sense of joy and happiness when we enrich the lives of others.

A new bread of people is emerging in every corner of the world and they are seen as being ‘unreasonable’. They are social entrepreneurs who are creating markets and changing the world - innovative, resourceful, practical, and opportunistic.

CEO John Wood was “an overworked Microsoft Executive looking for the quiet solitude of a trekking vacation”. While he was backpacking in the Himalayas, Wood came across a middle-aged Nepalese man who invited him to visit a nearby village school. Jumping at the chance to see the real Nepal, rather than sticking to his tourist’s trek, Wood agreed - and the encounter changed his life.

The Nepalese man turned out to be an education resource officer. Wood discovered that despite the man’s best efforts - which involved crossing high mountain passes on foot to visit schools - he had few resources to offer the schools for which he was responsible. Wood, in short, came face-to-face with a harsh reality facing millions of Nepalese children: there were almost no books. He was shocked to discover that the few books the local school had - “a Danielle Steele romance, the Lonely Planet Guide to Mongolia, and a few other backpacker castoffs” - were considered so precious that they were locked up to protect them from the children.

As Wood left the village, the headmaster made a simple request: “Perhaps, Sir, you will some day come back with books.” When he got home, Wood e-mailed friends to ask for help in collecting children’s books and says he was overwhelmed with the response: “Over three thousand books arrived within two months.” The following year, he returned to Nepal, rented a team of six donkeys, and visited the village to deliver the books.

On that trip, he also made a decision to leave the corporate world, which he did in late 1999, to start Room to Read. His goal? To connect the business practices he had learned at Microsoft with his new mission to provide the lifelong gift of education to millions of children in the developing world.

In his memoir, ‘Leaving Microsoft to Change the World’, he explains, “Did it really matter how many copies of Windows we sold in Taiwan this month when there were millions of children without access to books?”. With 750 million illiterate adults worldwide and 100 million children without access to school, he set out to build the nonprofit venture “with the ability of Starbucks and the compassion of Mother Teresa.”

This is only one story, there are hundreds of more stories of people who are changing the world. Ask yourself, what can you do to change the world around you.

Paul Newman died at the age of 83. He was still an incredible handsome man. But as I was reading what people were saying about him and what the media were portraying about him and his legacy, I just couldn’t help wondering about the concept of beauty and how different it is being valued for men and women.

Nowhere in all those articles and reportage was there a mention of how amazingly beautiful he was. No where was mentioned the fact that millions of girls and women went to sleep dreaming with his image as the perfect man for them.

His clear blue eyes were mentioned, but not much was said about his classic looks and that no matter how he aged and that cancer took over him, he was still a striking looking man. It’s just brings you back to what Simon Beauvoir used to say: Women grow older, men mature”…

The focus was on what he did. The focus was on the fact that he managed to be a great businessman that donated millions to charities and about his generosity with Hole in the Wall camps for kids with cancer.

But here is a thought, what if it was an incredible beautiful woman that died. Would they focus on her deeds or would they have focused on her looks and how she aged through the years.

I just wonder when Bridgit Bardo will pass away would they focus on her activism supporting animals or would they focus on her looks and her films. I was trying to find articles from 1993 when Audrey Hepburn passed away. How much of the articles were about her looks and how much were about her incredible work with UNICEF. Think about Angelina Joli how much of all the tabloids and articles are about her beauty, looks and romantic affairs and how many are covering her wonderful work with UNICEF.

It seems that when it comes to beauty there is a double standard. Women are supposed to be just beautiful (or not..) while men even when they are extremely handsome people would focus on their deeds. So at the end of the day the value of woman is by her beauty while for men it is their actions.

I think that the day that women started to be valued (and worshiped) according to their looks and beauty was the day that we lost our power. There is no way to win in this game as beauty will fade away with time and time is our enemy in this case. No wonder the following tips were related to Audrey Hepburn:

• For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
• For lovely eyes, Seek out the good in people.
• For a slim figure, Share your food with the hungry.
• For beautiful hair, Let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
• For poise, Walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone.
• People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
• Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.
• As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
• The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
• The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a Woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.
• And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!

One of my favorite parts in living and working with the Feminine Leaderships principle is that it connects us more to earth and Nature. Feminine Leadership realizes that we are part of Nature and as humans we are just another species running on the top soil of the earth.

Not anymore this concept of being peak of creation and thus exploiting the earth as if there is no tomorrow.
This realization brings humility and the awareness to what we do on Earth and taking responsibility to our actions. Which is why I love traditions that honor the changes of season, celebrate it and connect to it.

Last week was the Autumn Equinox that is called in Celtic traditions the Mabon festival

Mabon, (pronounced may-bun, may-bone, may-boon, or mah-bawn) is the Autumn Equinox. The Autumn Equinox is that day in the year where the light and the darkness are divided equally.

It is a time to take a moment to pay our respects to the approaching dark. We also give thanks to the diminishing sunlight, as we store our harvest of this year’s crops. Those of us that are not living in agricultural areas (which is most of us), it is time to look and take count of our achievements this year and the fruits of our efforts.

The Druids call this celebration, Mea’n Fo’mhair, and honor the The Green Man, the God of the Forest, by offering libations to trees. Offerings of ciders, wines, herbs and fertilizer are appropriate at this time. Wiccans celebrate the aging Goddess as she passes from Mother to Crone, and her consort the God as he prepares for death and re-birth.

If you wish to celebrate this festival – like I do, it is appropriate to wear all of your finery and dine and celebrate in a lavish setting. It is time to gather with your family as we prepare for the winding down of the year. It is a time to finish old business as we get ready for a period of rest, relaxation, and reflection of winter.

Mabon is considered a time of the Mysteries. It is a time to honor Aging Deities and the Spirit World. Considered a time of balance, it is when we stop and relax and enjoy the fruits of our personal harvests, whether they be from working in our gardens, working at our jobs, raising our families, or just coping with the hussle-bussle of everyday life.

Even if you did not celebrated it last week, you can still take the time and honor this day and time of the year. It is always good to take some time and look at what we have achieved and celebrate it with our loved ones.

May your Mabon be memorable, and your hearts and spirits be filled to overflowing!

It’s Saturday – my day of rest and time for relaxation, meditation and making intentions for the week.

However, the card I got for the coming week surprise me as I got the Goddess Shakti, which was calling me to focus on my energy levels and be aware of how I’m using it. It was also asking me to put my intention on my projects that I wish to manifest and not be disturbed by other people’s projects and needs

In Hindu India, Shakti, is the Goddess. She is active, powerful, vital and the animating force of the universe. Shakti, is the sacred force, power, or energy, and in the Hindu concept she is the personification of the divine feminine aspect, sometimes referred to as ‘The Divine Mother’.

If your idea of the Divine Mother is more of Mother Maty – compassionate, giving and endlessly accepting and in waiting and patient, Shakti represents the active, dynamic principles of feminine power.

In Hindu traditions Shakti embodies the active energy and power of male deities. She is the divine force and is able to destroy demonic forces and restore balance. Every God in Hinduism has his Shakti and without that energy they have no power.

The lessons we can learn from this Goddess are many. Shakti explodes into our life to energize and vitalize us.

She reminds us that the way to wholeness lies in learning to work with Shakti - the divine, cosmic, orgasmic Goddess of energy.

She is asking us questions such as: are you feeling tired? Do life and all its demands exhaust you? Do you keep giving your energy, your vitality, without taking in, recharging, revitalizing?

Or maybe there is something you want to manifest but don’t feel you have enough energy to do it. The Goddess says there is abundant energy available for you. All you need to do is learn how to connect with it.

My way of connecting to this energy is always doing things that energize me – things like dancing, walking in nature, working in the garden or reading a great book.

Find your ways of energizing yourself and make sure to use it this week in moments when you feel your energy is dropping down.